Re conceptualise and re-visualise your life. An exorcism.

BANISH

I’ve been sick for quite a while now, and I keep vomiting. I feel like I’m being pulled in so many directions. I feel like I’m dying. It is my will for this to end. It is my will to banish mltmanifesto.

BANISH
I’m going to count you out of the trance now.
10
What am I good at?
Words and numbers, I’m not so good.
Logic, idea’s, detective work, concepts.
That’s my realm. You shouldn’t push it if it doesn’t work.

9
(when I reach 0 you will wake up and feel refreshed)

BANISH
I can barely spell, and I write like a child.
That kind of kills my chances of ever being a writer, right?
I think I can live with that.
Maybe that’s what caused this personality crash.
I mean, 19 year old Ste was going to be a comic book writer and nothing else.
8
BANISH
I’m not just quitting because I wasn’t good at it straight away. I’m still going to do it, but just for me. A hobby.
I’m not even sure if it’s something which would make me happy.
I think I just wanted it for the lifestyle.
But I’m not playing to my strengths, I just don’t think it’d work.
7
BANISH
When I started this whole thing, I was so fluff. I’ve changed myself in all the way’s I wanted, haven’t I? If I read back, I cringe so much.
I learned things, I understand things. But am I different?
6 You’re waking up now, head towards the light
BANISH
Complete psychological failure at 20. I feel like I did when I was dying on acid by the canal.
I’m 20 today, in my head anyway, I have two birthdays.
5
BANISH
If you ever truly reject control over your life, and become truly free, you’ll come to a point where you think “this is how bad your life can be”. Not because your wife blew away, or your house left you, because of the choices you make. It will be nothing, but you’ll hate yourself, and I think you need that.
4
BANISH, LAUGH, you’re coming up now. Remember to breathe.
This morning I read RAW, for the first time.
The first chapter tells you everything you will ever need to know about Magic(k)/Xtreme-psychology:
Experiment 1:
Believe you will find a pound coin, visualise it, convince yourself. See how long it takes.
Experiment 2:
Believe you can fly, convince yourself, visualise it. See how long it takes.

BANISH, WAKE UP, Coming in for landing, Feel better? (yeah)
3
Each sigil was an invocation of an ideal/god/personality because I wanted to change myself, and it did carry me on a current, and I feel I’ve shook off an old decaying fiction suit for a much more updated one (I reckon I’ll need to do this every five years). For a laugh one sigil was even to win the lottery, I bought a lottery ticket about five weeks later and won a pound. Sigils ALWAYS work.
2
BANISH, CIR-CUL, BANISH, BANISH
(when you wake up, you may feel rested, like you took a long nap, have a stretch. )
Sometimes I’m a prick and that confuses me so much. Why do we have so little control over how we act.
When I was a kid and I was poor I just wanted to grow up and write stories. I used to read 80’s Grant Morrison from my dad’s black and white 2000ad collection. All I ever wanted to do was grow up and write my own “Slaine” or “Judge Dredd”.
I just can’t beat my serotonin imbalance. Drugs don’t work because thoughts and feelings aren’t just chemicals. At the same time you can’t shake these demons off because, they may seem non tangible, but these things are very real chemicals. Every poem ever written, every song ever sung, every great romantic love, was all just a chemical reaction.
I fail at everything I try. So I shoot for the moon every time, because at least then it was worth it. It’s hard to fail at everything.
What does this all mean? I don’t think it means anything. I don’t think being twenty changes anything unless you make it.
I’m happy, I am, I have a great girlfriend and I’m not dying in the gutter of the garden and to me that’s all I’ll ever need. I think we all need a little quarter-life crisis every now and then.
1
BANISH ONE LAST TIME
And laugh.
Are you feeling better?
It’s time to wake up
(and you’re coming up

and stretch, and we’re done)

0
I’m done
I’m out.
I’ll see you in twenty.

I wrote this backwards

It rains.
Infinite drum loops.
Every aspect of our lives an instrument for the beat.
3D soundscape and music video.
The vocals kick in.
Feminine sunlight.
A techno lullaby.
Sensory perception become distorted.
Logic patterns become far removed.
Thought process breakdown like Shatner.
You can see them.
Old. Hungry.
“AUuuuI”
Horrible clay people.
At the fringes of your senses.
To comprehend them is madness.
They can’t exist, they slide through the reality circuits, fucked and broken by an infinite beat, the great mothers aborted children, clay men screaming vowels in the name of hunger, banging on your door because they just want to talk.
It rains madness.

Magic. A contemplative psychological process with an emphasis on seeing the world in different ways. This is then usually followed by the part about changing reality by changing your perceptions i.e quantum physics.
Depending on your point of view, this is either a philosophical exploration of experience, some teenagers turning their breakdowns and acid trips into meaningful experiences, or some deluded old fools who cover up their insecurities with metaphysical beliefs.

I just can't do the magic scene. I don't want to argue with these people, i really like these people, i just find it so hard to bite my tongue. It stresses me out and it hurts me. There's a reason why there's so many manifestos commanding us all to get up and do something, cos' if you can get someone else to do it then we wouldn't all have to look at ourselves in the mirror and see that our skyscrapers are built on sand. I think we're 100 years too early, or 2000 years too late. Scientific exploration hasn't caught up to our observations and we're still bogged down with middle eastern folklore. I think our bullshit has reached critical mass and this whole magical renaissance is going to go nuclear.

The hippie generation wen't on to build silicone valley and apple (bastards), they didn't do this by taking acid and not washing. The same way we're not going to achieve much from manifestos and faith based psedu-science.

And so the point emerges. I'm applying myself. That's why i'm not here to chat shit and hang. I'm really trying my hardest to make something of myself before i find myself a decade later without anything to show for it.

I'm nearly twenty, the cynicism hit's me like a wave, the intro sounds like the outro.

Reverse engineering the symbol
The latest magical exploits from Liverpool.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Stop.
My laptop is playing the Pixies and my last few sigils are burning away on my windowsill, it’s brilliant, it feels like the end of fight club. So for better or worse my working is through, and although I’m not twenty yet things are starting to manifest around the edges of my life. Sometimes it feels too much when the improbable starts coming at me and I’m not quite sure how to handle it. If I take anything at all away from all this it’s that you have to be ready to receive exactly what you want. You should try this sigil business, it’s a laugh:

If this is your first night, you have to fight.
It should be mandatory to teach this in school, if only as an exercise to show the connection between consciousness and the universe. The sigil method is highly popular and can be found here. I tried to write out my method (three times) and I really can’t put it any better than it is there. All I can add is that at the point of orgasm you need to visualise you sigil and strongly hold that mental image for as long as you can. Also I think sometimes people make the process of creating a sigil too mechanical. When what you’re actually trying to do is reverse engineer a symbol that is deep with subconscious meaning, so when you focus on it sufficiently all that meaning will be input into your nervous system.

Waking up from the American dream
So I had this dream last night.
I was on the first floor of one of those McDonalds that was ‘oh so cool’ in the 80’s but now just jars the eyes. I went down a level to where all the food was being re-processed in huge steel cookers. I then went down another level into an old school freezer where they stored a perfect copy of each hamburger. Then down another level to where Ronald Mcdonald was sitting on the floor crying and surrounded by happy meal boxes.
Why am I telling you this?
Partly because it’s a good model for the human mind.
Partly to express to show that sigils can work the other way too. Corporations take a symbol, then use this as the only visible point of their entity, they then fill this symbol with meaning in the eyes of every consumer, then spray it everywhere so that the world becomes the ideal behind the symbol.
Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if they started putting homeopathic memes in the happy meal’s which induced these McDreams, because I could go for a cheese burger right about now…

My love war with Mcdonalds
I hate McDonalds, I also work for McDonalds, and I hate it. Up until recently my rebellion consisted of doing the worst job humanely possible. When you think about it, that really doesn’t do anyone any good, everyone gets shit food and McDonalds still gets your cash. I think as 21st century beings we can manipulate the carnivorous corporate entities more easily than we think. Now I go into work and please the customer until they beg for mercy. If you order 4 nuggets, you’ll probably get 9, and if you order a double cheeseburger it’ll probably be a triple with extra source. So whatever comes first, bankruptcy or changing the bully into a lover.



Deliver us from perfect teeth, clear skin and one affordable monthly payment.
So im coming out the closet. Which is really hard. I try to keep these lives separate. But I think it’s time for Snoop the magician to meet Ste the guy. But if you’re hiding something it’s insinuating it’s bad and magic really needs to get away from the metaphorical witch hunt.
When you tell people you’re into magic they think of Euri Geller, Mystic Meg, T.V mediums who can offer as much information as a quick search on google. So maybe we should give the masses something real, examples of what we really do, hide our selves right out in the open in peoples faces so that they have to love us.

I’m still going to use sigils, but right now I feel like I’m just playing the triangle, I think there’s some problems where I need to be doing it Fatboyslim style.
The cheesiness and melodrama of My last teenage manifesto, is still a symbol for my personal change and I think now the sigil madness is over my new direction is going to be a mixture of Exo-psychology and pop magic, and the new DNA based tarot I’m developing.

Thank you.


Some speak of secret attractions between people, objects and events.
That transcend all laws of probability.
Other just say “fuck it”
And go with the flow
Rick Veitch: Can’t Get No

It's not half empty, there's just room for improvisation.

So I'm halfway through launching my set of 23 sigils, and I thought id check in to say it's going very well. Of late my life feels like it's ramped up a notch or two, I feel like all the self help books promise. I feel very in touch with my "Self"/self or whatever you want to call it, and that I'm on a path I've chosen for myself. Also I think that by repeatedly externalities my consciousness I'm becoming to understand magic more and more. Subsequently I feel like I can appreciate the writings of Key23 and Frequency23 more and more, while I feel more and more annoyed with places like barbelith temple and myspace magic forums.

I've been refining my sigil method more and more, and it feels like I can project my will out much more effectively than I used to able to. Once I'm done with all 23 I'll post my refined "sigil technique for dummies", see if we can bring about this ultraculture everyone is talking about.

As always, my plan has deviated slightly. I'm developing the last sigil (the one I figured out on acid) into an extended piece of [imagination/will] as a visual narrative which I'm currently writing and drawing. It's called Glyph and I currently have 60% of the script done and all the character designs and art style down.

Once I'm done with the sigils I'm going to be looking for another method of alchemy to take me up until my 20th, any suggestions?

Anyhow, thank you for reading and here's something I wrote with a lot of time on my hands and an old school dictionary. Hey! You might even lean something:

Neologism; new word or expression, sometimes an old word in with new significance.
Like today’s word Jingoism, extreme and bellicose nationalism. The word was defined by a hit song lyric from 1983 “we don’t want to fight buy by jingo if we do” we’ll define it with a new song “by jingo that’s good suplerknochen”. Albeit it’s not as catchy, but suplerknockechen is a delicious German dish which consists of pickled pork and sauerkraut.
So now we’ve solved the problem of Jingoism. No longer do we have these dangerous nationalists running around trying to protect their land. Now we have people running around with this extreme and bellicose love of suplerknochen , trying to get you taste this strange yet unusual dish. I reckon A lot of problems could be solved this way. So many people define themselves behind a word. I am a man. I am black. I am insane. If you are these words, then we can solve your problems by changing the words. It’s very simple.
So take my lump of ice (advice), get yourself a battle axe. This is usually a large polished stone. In Neolithic times this was seen as a great symbol of prestige and authority. It may have gone out of fashion, but I tell ya, walk around with this huge hunk of rock on a stick, people are going to listen when you tell them your changing their words.
Spastic is actually scientific word. It’s when you’re effected by muscle spasm or exaggerated stiffness of the muscles. It’s now un-pc to use this word in Britain. More technical words are employed, like cerebral palsy. The reason this word went bad is because it’s fun to say. People started using it as an insult. Then we have to stop using it because it’s derogatory, obviously, as it’s an adjective for an undesirable state. So we have to change our definitions to words that aren’t fun to say. “You’re a cerebral palsy” isn’t as catchy for 12 years olds like “You’re a spastic”. Im not saying spastic is a clever word, or that it’s funny. I’m just showing how our language is being de-significised , so all the words we like to say have no meaning. It’ll come to a point were we’re talking baby gobldey gook, just because these words are fun to say, but have no real meaning.
Calvinism, is a set of rules set out by John Calvin, he says that scripture is the sole rule of faith, and is necessary because human nature is radically corrupt because of the fall. As we’ve learnt so far, this man has built his house on sand. Words turn old and senile and become completely different things. My granddad still shouts pussy around the streets when he’s looking for his cat. My uncle does the same thing, and he’s looking for something entirely different.
Shinto, this is the national religion of Japan, it’s pre-Buddhism. Like a lot of religions it started with primitive nature worship, as the nomadic tribes were still very connected to nature, they saw the landscape as supernatural and it all had a profound effect on their psychology. As the people changed, so did Shinto and it became a polytheism. With the different aspects of nature organised into specific parts relative to them. Shrines were built with symbolic representations to these gods, known as shintai. Myths and legends known to everyone were weaved into this system of gods, and a logical creation story was derived. The religion flourished and everyone was using it to make sense of a world that seemed strange and supernatural. Around 8 A.D this folklore was complied and written down in a secular manner, to preserve the teachings from Buddhism and Confucianism influences which were coming in from Korea. Once it was written down ,the text became a point of reference. In an attempt to preserve the original wisdom, it the text became scripture and absolute truth. So when the Buddhists and confuciasmists eventually altered the text that became the truth. A number of churches and different sects rose up in opposition of each other with differing interpretations of the solid text, which was open to interpretation.
Moral: Eat more suplerknockechen you crazy jingo.

06.06.06: The Death of Scafolding

The day the counter culture died.

There is no them. There's just us.
It was usefull, but we don't need it anymore.
Talk is cheap.
Rest in piece my strange haired friend.

Part 3. The Pornomancer

I realize this is my third post today, but it's been a weird day.
So I've pretty much been up all night splicing my sigils into celebrity pornography which I've then been uploading onto limewire. If only my grandmother could see me now. I stole this idea directly from Klintron at http://www.technoccult.net/.

Magic is all about getting your mind and imagination externalised. What better way to embed something in the mass subconscious than to have a bunch of perverts have my sigils in eyesight at the point of orgasm. I know it's a good method because that's how I charge my sigils. Obviously the people whacking off to this low grade porn are not charging my sigils, because they have no meaning to the people on a subconscious level. What it is doing is getting my magic out into the world at large like some kind of corporate super brand.

My mind is full of ideas about this alchemical ritual.
I'm thinking a lot more sex related magic.
Think about it, teen years are riddled with sexual problems, it's only fitting that for a magic ritual symbolic of this time passing that it be sex centered.

until next time my sexy amigos. x.

Part 2 (from the post below)

My girlfriend got taken to hospital because she was sick, I'm not a doctor, and I can't sit by her bedside because I don't know were she is. So for the purposes of education here is my healing ritual:

I make a sigil using the pictorial method. I draw a picture of the subject getting better. I then condense it down into a magic looking sigil. I tack it to my mirror and pour Gillette* aftershave into one of my own wounds, my mind shuts down from the burning pain and I can launch the sigil. I pour the aftershave over the sigil and it disintergrates and I wash it down the drain.

That's what magic is for. It's not a hobby, and it's not a career

*Cos' it smells very clerical and hospital like.

I hate it here

Everything is different now. So the same rules don’t apply. Kali spoke to me and what she said was “hate somethin’, change somethin’”. The ritual you knew is lying dead and smouldering in the debris of broken buildings and preconceptions.

Woah.
Stop.
Re-wind.
Let’s start over.

I hate the magic scene. I hate the pretentiousness. I hate faith. I hate religions. I hate the pages and pages of jargon and bollox that you find on magic forums. I hate using magic to fill a cultural void. I hate magic as a career and I hate it as a hobby.

I hate bullshit.
What I like, is the truth.

Atheism is refusing to believe the unreasonable. It’s when someone walks off a cliff because they think it will deliver them to ancient space gods you say, fuck that. Everyone is an atheist, it’s how you put your shoes on in the morning. It’s not a paradigm, and you don’t conform to it. It’s not being a cynic. It’s the way your mind functions when you get away from the stupid ideas people impose on you when you’re a kid.

Magic is really simple when someone explains it who isn’t trying to keep themselves special by keeping it occult.Jason Louv describes it as using your imagination to get what you want. If you can accept that your imagination is as real as the “real world”, and changing one can change the other, then magic becomes really easy. Magic becomes a whole lot of applied psychology and a range of techniques that fool the parts of your brain which stop magical interaction.

Or Grant Morrison’s simple and profound definition: Magic=Life + Significance.

I don’t think any of the above is unreasonable and I don’t think it needs to be mystified with bullshit like we used to do with science in the middle ages. There’s a lot of complicated physics that can explain how magic works, buy you really don’t need to know any of that, all you need is a paradigm that makes it all fit.
All that matters is that what you do works, so….

I’m going with what works for me. I’m launching 23 sigils by whacking one off and visualising the sigil at the point of orgasm. Then I’m burning them with incense to dispose of them. That’s it. I felt pressured to “move on” to find a new way of doing magic, but I’ve been doing this since I was 15 and it always works. This project of mine was all about changing the things about me that I didn’t like, and it’s working because I want to get away from the bullshit i know I've been asociating with. The personal liberation side of the magic isn’t necessary anymore, I’m out there trying to make it happen and trying to keep myself flexible, it’s become a lifestyle I suppose.

This blog is still going to be running, it’s just moved out of the basement. The sigils are just the beginning. I may hate it all, but im stuck here like the rest of you apes. See you next week. x.